Fearless

Here's something that I think I learned about myself today. When I was younger, I never took risks. Younger as in like, high school. I always made decisions that involved one right choice that made everyone happy and a wrong choice that made no one happy. If that wasn't true about something, I wouldn't get into the situation that made me choose. And now, now that we're older, now that we have more opinions, now that we understand more, I'm starting to take more risks. Decisions aren't black and white anymore. I don't know whether something will be good or bad for me and most certainly everyone doesn't feel the same way about decisions that we make anymore. I know, I know, they say, who cares what other people think? You should do what's right for you. Yeah. Okay. But what if I don't know what's right for me? What if my logic fails to give me an answer? What do I do then? Well, before the answer was to just stay away from anything that could be risky altogether. But now I'm starting to follow my feelings when my logic comes to a standstill. There are gray areas, no one knows what will happen, so I guess I'm trying not to regret not doing things anymore. Of course this brings up more things like vulnerability to others and stuff like that, but when it comes to deciding about things like that, it's time to consider what your lifestyle really is. If you haven't already, accept these facts of life: you can't make everyone happy. There will be people who dislike you, no matter what you do, no matter how nice you are. That's just how life is. Take what you can. I shouldn't feel bad to make certain decisions even if they end badly. At least now I know and I won't make that mistake again, right? Hopefully.

It's time to be a big girl now, and big girls don't cry.

What? Sure they do, silly Fergie. I cry.

Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?

Nope, and that's okay. Ish.

If you think about it, everything in our lives is so good and so bad at the same time. I don't know if there are any exceptions. Chocolate cake: the good: tastes great, the bad: tons of sugar and fatty fat. The Internet: the good: too much fun, the bad: too much fun. Struggling: good: we learn, bad: it's definitely not good in the short term, I mean, come on now. You know what I mean?

I don't know what I'm doing with my life. It's second semester and I'm still lost. Someone tell me what to do. Mommmyyy. Except don't tell me to be a doctor, because honestly, what? Am I even made out for that? I'm not even very good with people. But an engineer? BME, I could do it. But I really want to stay a neuro major. BME, neuro, pre med? That would make everyone happy, right? Oh wait, I just said that we can't make everyone happy. I mean, I'd be miserable for 4 years but then life would be better, right? Probably not. Maybe. Take the chance or enjoy these four years? Decisions. Gaaaaah. Someone give me the answers. I hate not knowing.

I just want to be held again.

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