Fearless

And so we're done the year and I feel like I literally just wrote an end of the year reflection post but it's crazy that it's been 365 days since then. So here goes. Some things I've done in 2013: > Brought up my grades > Kissed and swam with dolphins > Snorkeling > Walked from West to East Campus in snow and ice > Joined a dance team that reminded me why I love to dance > Became a Cameron Crazie at Cameron Stadium > Finished taking orgo forever > Took a photo with Aladdin and Jasmine > Shadowed a neurologist > Bought a snapback > Watched Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham 3 more times > Spent Thanksgiving with my best friend > Roadtripped to New Jersey > Performed in my first Awaaz > Developed a better relationship with my sister > Made some new, super close friends > Found love(: And some things I've learned in 2013: > First relationships tend to be more about finding out what you want and don't

Conflict lies where you don't know whether to let yourself remember or not. Remembering feels so good, feeling can feel so good, but you know it'll be bittersweet because it'll just leave you aching when the hole in your heart that you never knew existed expands to swallow up every other thought you're trying to have and leaves you with only the one that pains you. We want sweatshirts and music and memories to remember them by because the smell and the tune and the emotions make us feel wonderful. But then comes heavy breathing and loss of focus because there's nothing we can do to get them back at this point in time when we need them most. I'm being overdramatic, I know, it sounds like it in words. But you know what this feels like. Missing someone so much that it hurts, missing him so much that it's no longer a pleasant feeling, like missing can sometimes be. It feels like someone is squeezing your lungs and won't let enough air into them. And that su

So I've only been really jealous once before in my life, but it's coming like a wave again but on a much different subject. Jealousy is a really weird feeling. You know inside that you really have nothing to be jealous about, that your abilities or life is just as good as anyone else's and that although you can pinpoint a reason or cause, it's something that you know not to be truly, only superficially true. From how I see it, the person you're jealous of either knows you are or not, and you're either friends with them or not. If you're friends with them, you start to become angry or distant because you hold animosity for no fault of their own. If you're not friends with them, it's just kind of weird because you don't really have any basis to hold animosity and you don't really dislike them, but you still kind of do, also for no fault of their own. Or at least this is the way it is seeming to happen for me. I'm not a bad jealous person,