Fearless

Today, I had one of the most incredible experiences since I've started medical school - the dissection of the human brain. We didn't learn neuroanatomy, didn't focus on minute details - just took it out of the cranial cavity and looked at the cranial nerves and sinuses. It was hardly a dissection, took less than two hours. I've been looking forward to this dissection for weeks now, and it was just as amazing as I was expecting. Since last night when I watched the dissection video, I was blown away that I was going to have the opportunity to hold a human brain in my hands, the essence of a human being. It's what makes the person who they are - allows us to see our world, feel emotions, make decisions, develop personality, form memories and so much more that cannot even be described in words. In some unimaginably complex form, I was going to get to hold a person's entire life and experiences in my hands. The hour before dissection lab, I felt as though I was me

I realize that I have constantly, since college began, been trying to define myself with modifiers - dancer, artist, baker, study neuroscience, etc etc. In my head passions were the things that stuck and defined who you are. But a friend I recently met suggested to me that passions can be fluid; they can come and go and ebb and flow as life moves forward. It doesn't make it an any less important part of your life. I suppose it is almost how relationships in your life come and go, but the lessons you learn from them and the emotions that were once there don't become any less significant. My passions are not invalidated if my life moves on to something new. But it does mean I didn't give myself the time to excel at any of it, which is always the thing that throws me off and frustrates me. Life moves too fast sometimes and I can't keep up. Medical school starts in exactly ONE day and I feel far from prepared. I had a wonderful but surreal month in Kunshan, made some ama

When I arrived at the PVG Shanghai airport on Thursday, a wave of relief swept over me. Yes, I've been to Shanghai only twice before, but it's something about China. It makes me happy, fulfilled. It is comfortable. Memories of standing by the Wai Tan over the Shanghai skyline at night and drinking tea with my host mom in Zhuhai in the evenings and my group of students winning the Changshu scavenger hunt fill my mind whenever I breathe in the air. Although I feel comfortable and nostalgic being in China, it also saddens me because so much of this language that I love is slipping away slowly from my mind. I think wistful  is the perfect word to describe it. Waiting for our car after dinner tonight, standing on the side of the road as bright Chinese mall signs around us lit up a dark night sky, I was sad. I took deep breaths, taking in air that smelled familiar, the way that sandalwood does in India. Learning Chinese for me has meant being able to communicate with an addition

Clearly, I've neglected to write this year, and here I am again almost exactly 1 full year later hoping that writing will help quell my anxieties and help me make sense of the things that have happened this year. This is the last week I have at home before I more or less start with the next chapter of my life - medical school. I spent my gap year on three things specifically: my clinical knowledge, my family and myself. It was refreshing to spend time doing things I loved, without the time limitations and weight of a project deadline or homework assignment due the next day or preparation for an exam. I traveled to see my friends and to see the world. I got closer to my mom this year, and now we're going to have trouble leaving each other. My job as a scribe in a Rheumatology clinic was truly valuable and I loved the diversity and comfort of the people whom I worked with. There, I saw an environment I knew that I could thrive in. Even after a year in Rheumatology, I'v