Fearless

I just don't even. We clearly have too much time on our hands. So I finally cut my nails all nice and repainted them. I should probably get back in the habit now that I'm not going to be sitting around the house all day anymore. Three short weeks left until I get back to good ol' Duke. Also, only about 5 days until I get to go back to wonderful New Jersey and see my friends and my school and the park and Wawa and Rita's, oh my. So excited. It's actually dark purple and not black. It's so hard having nice nail polish on because then I don't want to do anything to mess them up and so I just stop doing everything. Including typi

It isn't until this year that I fully experienced the phenomenon that they call the mood swing.  Maybe it's not the first time I've fully experienced it, but rather the first time I've been able to recognize my changing emotions about certain things at certain times and how I can feel seven different ways about one topic in the span of a week. An example. In the past week, I have felt the following emotions about my academic future and career path: determined, excited, confused, pessimistic, optimistic, frustrated, upset, confident, motivated, and hopeless. No, I was not on my period. Another example. In the past week, I have felt the following emotions about spending the majority of my summer with my sister: annoyed, disappointed, gratified, content, unsatisfied, and like I just want to give her hugs all the time. With so many feelings, it's hard to tell which ones are the real ones and which ones are just there because it's "that time of night" or &

Sometimes I'm afraid that my dreams aren't big enough. That I should be wishing and hoping for so much more than I am. I'd like to say that I'm ambitious, but maybe I just don't believe in my own dreams. Like I don't believe that I could make them come true. I feel like my goals are too "mainstream," things that aren't up to the level of what I expect of myself. And then there's the people telling me not to look at my goals relative to other people's goals, which is probably good advice, but it's hard. Most of the time at Duke, I feel like I'm just not shooting high enough or I've fallen behind so how will I get myself back into the race. But here are two things that I just realized: 1) It's never too late to do the best that I can to bring myself back, this is precisely what happened to me in high school. It just took a while for me to get fully adjusted. And 2) Why am I even bothering myself with being in this race? Part

I made samosas today, baked not fried for my rather health conscious family. I wanted to use my camera, but by the time I brought it, most of them were gone already... sigh. My dad's iPhone photo will have to do. They were delicious, I'm not even going to joke around. And now I've been put on dinner duty for the remainder of the summer. No worries, you just throw some cumin and curry powder in everything and it's automatically Indian. I'm lying, don't actually think that. There's also turmeric and coriander in everything. I have to get fillings tomorrow alkdhasklhdslakhd I hate the dentist okay. I don't really have anything to write about. I miss Duke. The last three or four days of mine have been spent just watching Bollywood. It's actually really bad... they're like three hours each and I watched three back to back to back. Ah well. But I finally watched a movie called Barfi! which my mother continually told me was super boring

How do we decide what is right?  There are the ones telling you that you need to make the money that they spent on your education worth it, that you need to do something above average with your life, for your own happiness, of course. There are your mentors and peers who say you should do what you truly want to do and what it is that you're passionate about.  And there's your mind that has no idea whether to withhold the cultural standpoints or the modern ones. How do we decide what is right for us? If there even is a right and wrong, there's a line drawn between them layers and layers below the surface covered by the complexity of the human mind and smudged like chalk pastel creating shades of grey. Of course, everything isn't this difficult to decide. Killing someone is obviously wrong. So is denying someone an education. And eating someone else's chocolate cake Unless of course they're diabetic or obese, in which case it's okay. So I mean, I g

I don't know what's happening to me. Possible causes of retaining that lightheaded, dizzy, phasing in and out like I'm about to pass out any second feeling for almost an entire day: > dehydration: clearly I don't know how much water to drink in Texas weather. > sleep deprivation: it's not even like I didn't get enough, I got a good 7 and a half hours. But waking up at 7:30 am is not how my circadian rhythms are set up so I'm sure my brain did not enjoy that early wake up call. > nutrient deficiency: this is very possible and I should probably eat less sugar and take some supplements or something. > psychological fear: because of that one time at the clinic that it happened... maybe that's why I feel like it keeps coming back at the clinic, you know? > tension/stress: I really didn't want to consider this one. Why would I be stressed during the summer? I shouldn't be, is the answer. Does being with patients stress me out? I