Fearless

So it's 5 in the morning and I'm writing a blog post. My best thoughts seem to develop at night, but then there are those random times during the day when I have epiphanies that I know I will forget if I don't note down and eventually do forget for that reason. I've started to feel like I wouldn't be able to get through college without this blog. Even though it's only been a few months, I've realized how much writing things down consolidates my thoughts. Otherwise I have all this different stuff in my head and it's hard to make sense of it all. I've always been a fan of that, making things concrete.

I've realized this week that I've been extremely content and there is absolutely nothing to be stressed out about at all. It's the best and oddest feeling in the world, especially for someone who is stressed out 80% of the time about something or another. I have great friends here at college, I have great friends who keep in touch back at home, I talk to my family every so often, schoolwork is getting done eventually, and maybe I should be getting a little more sleep, but that's trivial. Today, or yesterday rather, felt like one of those days where you did absolutely nothing even though you did do things. I went to chem in the morning (almost didn't, but then convinced myself to go), then seminar, then came back and napped, then skipped recitation to nap some more, and then fun stuff started. My roommates and I went to a dorm called Belltower to make dorm-cooked Chinese food with our friend over there and it was wonderful. Haven't had so much fresh food in a really long time! 




After that we went to Ninth Street to get some dinner with friends at a diner. I split nachos. They were pretty good. We got back and watched tv and played ping pong for a little while and then visited a friend of mine at Jarvis, a different dorm. Jarvis is also the wellness dorm so no one there drinks. Being there was probably the best time I've had in a long while; it was touching how close knit they all were there and how welcoming they were of us. There were two guys playing the saxophone and the guitar, both SUPER talented, and we were all listening and singing and laughing. That's one place I am most definitely going to visit again because there's so much happiness there! We went thinking that we were going to stay for maybe a half hour and ended up staying for two hours.

We then followed by going to Pegram, yet another dorm. This is actually the most social I have even been since I came to Duke. In Pegram we just visited my two international friends. One was studying orgo as he waited for us and the other was google plus chatting his Malaysian friends. We spent an hour talking to them about stuff, went upstairs one more floor to visit another friend and then came back to Southgate. All in all, it was a socially successful day. It left me so heartwarmed and happy to be with those people -- people who could just hang around listening to music and talking and have a ton of fun! And now our dorm is just so quiet. Everyone is either asleep or gone home for fall break.

I should be asleep too.

I have just this weird feeling, or maybe lack of specific feeling, in my brain. I feel genuinely content but worried that things are going to get messed up again. Maybe it's just me overthinking. Probably. That feeling when you know that everything can't be right. Life has to mess it up somehow. But for now I'm just going to be happy. Really happy. Genuinely happy. It's an awesome feeling.


Okay, now it's 3:30 the next day. I fell asleep last night and woke up at 2. Lolol. I can't remember what I was going to say last night, so I'm just going to go shower and paint my nails. I'm so lonely. My roommates are gone to the state fair and everyone else has gone home for fall break. International friends and the boys downstairs ftw. <3

EDIT: I reread what I wrote and I realized that I'm being such a girl. Life might mess things up, but everything happens for a reason. I can't say I believe in both things without them contradicting. Why frown when you can smile? Why try to make the things that matter wrong when they're perfectly right? Drama sucks. And today I learned something about myself; I'm ready to take anything that comes at me. Struggles are what life is about and they make you stronger and smarter. Sure, I sound like a motivational textbook, but if they didn't make sense, why would they sell? Be strong-willed and get yourself through. Nothing can make you miserable forever if you don't let it.

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