Fearless

It's a beautiful day at Duke University. Absolutely beautiful.
It's even better now that the Orgo test is over. But that's something that we are not discussing. 

Taylor Swift's new album Red came out today. I can't say I'm very impressed, but there are select songs that do kind of still sound like her and some of the other ones, though they aren't the greatest lyrics, are super catchy. She's still one of my favorites regardless. 

My sickness is beginning to recede which is always a good thing. Just a strong cough and a little throat tickle every time I swallow. I wouldn't call it a tickle though, more like... needles pricking my esophagus. But it's not as bad as before, don't worry. 

I had lunch with a senior friend of mine here at Duke who was my camp counselor at Gov School last summer. I can't believe I haven't seen her since now. It was super nice and we just talked about how our years have been going so far and how I'm adjusting here. She's taking the MCAT in the spring and taking a gap year or two before applying to med school. My friends and I have been freaking out about med school. I'm scared of my mind that I'm not going to get in. My grades aren't as good as I'd like right now and I don't think I'll be able to bring them up. College is definitely an eye-opener. It's a frustrating thought that we just got into college this year and we're already worrying about getting into med school. I'm not really sure what to do with myself.

I'm also breaking out. Probably due to all the sugar I ate this past week. And stress. All dat stress. And now I'm eating a Heath bar. Why Sonal...

God, toffee is so good.

A Facebook friend of mine posted "'Remember whens' are better than 'what ifs.'" At first consideration, I thought I completely agreed. Remembering the good times in our lives seems so much nicer than wondering all the time about whether a future event will be good or bad. But then Remember whens also constitute negatives. And then people just say that you're living in the past. What was. Thinking about the future is important too; that's the only way to decide whether to make a certain decision or live a certain way. But if you live in what ifs and no remember whens, you're blindly planning a future that doesn't exist without considering the past. 

It made a lot more sense in my head.

In my head, there is "What was," "What is," and "What if (or what will be)." I, for the most part, try to live in What is. I think about the past a lot, but I try to learn from it. I probably bring it up way too much in conversation, but it's only because those are the only experiences I have to learn from, good or bad. I'm not going to go talking about my physics teacher's past, right? I think about the future to make sure I'm on the right path, but I try never to plan too far ahead or imagine things that will never happen. At least not publicly.

My back is starting to feel really warm. So is my laptop.

There are not enough attractive Indian boys here. And too many attractive Asians. I love Asians. #yellowfever

Do you ever type an emoticon and then start making the same face in real life that you're using? Lol, so funny. 

I haven't a good philosophical conversation with anyone in a while. Except about boys on Saturday night with my roommates+friend who lives down the hall. And I fell asleep pretty quickly. And I couldn't say much because I sounded like a man and was coughing through my words. 

Life in general has been good. Minor struggles seem major because there aren't any major struggles. Average. I'll let you know if it ever gets really good. I feel like "really good" is an unstable configuration of life and only occurs in spur of the moment type situations. Everyone has different stable states. Mine is "okay." I wish I had a better vocabulary. I miss my friends back at home and my family. I miss my family a lot lately. Getting a little homesick, I guess. But I'll live. Just keep swimming.

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