Fearless

Hola world. Rather, NJ friends and Duke friends and select friends from other places. Only two and a halfish weeks until Thanksgiving break. And then I can go "home" to Texas, exploit it for its heat, sleep in a super comfy bed, decorate my new room, watch movies, eat real food, and relax. A lot. It sucks that I can't see friends though, but I miss my family too. 

I have a Neuro test next Tuesday. I don't actually know anything. I have an Orgo test two Mondays from now, not including today. The amount that I don't know things exceeds the amount that I've ever not known something. Except like, Chinese. I don't know Chinese at all. You would think I would with my yellow fever and too many to count Asian friends, but I in fact do not. 

I realized today that although I don't feel that much different than I did at the end of high school, if I step outside and look in for a second, I am a lot different. When I do see my friends from high school again, I don't know if I'd revert back to that person I used to be or if they'd be in awe and confusion at the person I've become. I think the former happens, psychologically, but it'd be interesting to see how they'd react to me now. It's different when people have known you through your awkward stages and your childhood because they can never see you completely differently than they did during those stages. It's always in the back of the mind. I think I probably mentioned this before, but there's a reason that I didn't want to go to my state school or a school that a lot of people from my high school were going to. I consider myself rather good at adapting to change and I knew I wouldn't have too much of a problem going somewhere that I knew no one, even though it was scary and stressful at the beginning regardless. But I wanted to go somewhere where I could start off on a clean slate; no one knew me and I could create an all new impression of myself. Somewhere where everything that high school and Gov School and experience had made me could create a new person who was way better than the one that the people in high school saw. Better in what way? I dunno. Just better. And even if you tell these new college friends what you were like in high school in your awkward stages, they still know you as the you that they met in college. I don't know if I can say that being in college has changed me or if all of the things that I wish I was in high school have just come out now. I'm more assertive. I'm not as much of a pushover. I'm more confident. I'm a generally happier person. I'm apparently funnier. I take more risks. I'm more confrontational. I'm less afraid. I get cold quicker. I go out more. I smile more. A billion times more independent. Less intimidating, apparently. I need to work on that. Friends with more guys. And too many more things. It's strange, just looking at myself, knowing I'm different. I don't know if anyone can relate?

I don't have time to write much today because I actually want to get sleep for orgo tomorrow, but I just wanted to link to my friend's blog, called Strangers in My Mirror. If any of the stuff that I write makes you think, makes you wonder, or is anything at all that you can relate to, I would check her blog out. It's amazing how similar our writing content and writing styles are, though she is much more eloquent than I am. Plus, she has great poetry. Her latest post, Advice on the bathroom walls, is very relatable, at least to me, and I've left a long comment on it if you want to know my thoughts. But she's got some great food for thought. And we all know how much we love food.

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