Fearless

So I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year's Day and day after New Year's Day (what are days after called anyway?) I did pretty much nothing except hang out with my sister a l'il bit and do some orgo and shtuff. But really, the calendar system is just a manmade concept to create order in a world of entropy. But, it's kay, I won't ruin the New Year for you just because I'm bitter about it... (:

I'm not actually though. I'm very excited for 2013 and the many new experiences and things that are to come!


As a heads up, a tab has been added above for my Project 365, another one of those 365 day photo projects that crazy teenagers with Nikons and some actual photographers do! It's a separate blog but it's linked to this one so you can always come safely back! :D I've done it once before, and I am confident that I can hang in there and do this again!


On another side note, I'm proud to say that my best friend has told me that I inspired her to write her own blog which you can find right here! It's a combined 365 and blog that I'm very excited to follow. It makes me really happy when things like this happen. Just in the past two weeks, here are some of the messages I've gotten on Facebook, some from people I don't speak to on a regular basis or even know very well. It brings a smile to my face and I thank you guys.


"Hey so I was reading your blog and I could literally hear your voice coming out of those pages"
"Sonall!!! I really like your blog :) Just wanted to let you knoww. You're a pretty good writer and it's a really enjoyable readd. "
"hey sonal! i've been reading your blog for the past half hour! hahaha fb creeping i know. just wanted to say i really like your writing and could relate a lot! (:"
"Let me start by saying that I've read a few of your blog posts. Oddly I've learned a little about myself from what you've written, such as learning that I am introverted; before I thought I was just weird."
"Sonal! Loved loved loved your blog post!"
"i'm reading your blogg, i can't help smile and giggle and get butterflies. i feel like i have you sitting across from me just talking to me. you write the way you talk, it's awesome"

The hilarious thing is that I'm pretty positive I'm not a very good writer! Perhaps I would say that informal writing that entails things such as blogging is obviously much different than the kind of writing we do in Lit class and that it's much easier to do than all of that synthesis, analysis nonsense. When you're writing about something you care about, things that are important to you, it's much easier to do. Apparently, I write the way that I talk and I guess that's a good thing? Haha. At least you can tell that I'm being real with you, right? One of the keys I've found to writing this blog is that you really need to be open about your thoughts and about your feelings. Sure, those cryptic things are interesting to read sometimes, but after a while, I just start getting confused and frustrated. What the hell are you even talking about? Is this about prostitution or about the government or about your life? (Don't even ask where that came from.) I've talked before about how open I am and I how I wonder if it's wrong. I can't describe it any better than my "mental-doppleganger," as she refers to us as, my friend over here, so I'm just going to quote her.
"My question is: Is there a value judgement you can make on my feelings based on their availability to others? Sometimes I feel like... I'm so easy to grasp, emotionally and mentally. I feel simple and uncomplex. Maybe it's a good thing. I feel like I have no depth, and hell, I feel boring. People are interesting when there's still more to be discovered. What is there to me? I feel like everyone has thoughts to hide and pains eating away at their brains and latent possibilities and unseen smiles and I look at myself and I'm see through. I'm being see through now."
We're, like, actually the same person I think.

I feel it, but I'd like to think that there's no difference in value. Just because we're more open doesn't make us worth any less or uncomplex. If anything, it's a lot less frustrating to let people know who you are than to try to remain an enigma. I know from experience that it's mega frustrating when people don't let you in. Of course I'm not saying that there's anything wrong in that either, but everyone has their own preference in how overt they are and being either which way is not disempowering. Oh, I could talk about empowerment for so long. I've written a 27 page paper on gendered empowerment, you know!

So now, to lighten the mood a little, you know when you like those pages on Facebook and then they start posting those photos with little sayings that sometimes make you think, WOW STORY OF MY LIFE, and then sometimes you just read them and think wtf who even does that...? Those come up for me a lot of the time and I have these reactions too. From what I've heard from my fellow bloggers on tumblr, this happens with gifs on there as well. There's one Tumblr that I discovered recently that just described so many things that I feel perfectly and others that make absolutely no sense. It's called TheGirlMind and you can find it by clicking that link right there. Sometimes you wonder if you're the only person in the world that does certain things or thinks a certain way and then you find these things and you realize you're not the only weird one and it's pretty normal for others to do these things as well. Here are some of the ones from TheGirlMind that I can relate to the most.


Ahh. Zayn's jawline.... <3 font="font" nbsp="nbsp">

^I don't know how to fix that.

Also this from Facebook that I saw today. I think I've probably talked about this before, but trying to figure out why you're special, if any of those things that you do with other people, others do for you too. My lack of eloquence is probably confusing you, so this is what I mean.



You get what I mean now? Yeah, me too. And I'm happy to know that I'm not the only one who thinks this stuff. Because I know I feel this way when I talk to other people sometimes. I just can't imagine other people feeling this way with me. Phew, I'm not weird. 

Kay, I'm going to go read some more orgo now. The current standings as of a few hours ago are:
Sonal: 58 pages
Jon: 27 pages

But now he knows, and he's going to try and destroy me. 
Never.

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