This Time of Night

Every song that I've listened to in the past week or so I've felt. Not just that it touched me emotionally, but I've felt it in movement. I've wanted to dance to it and move to it. It's really amazing the effect that music has on us, whether it be nostalgia or tears or excitement or whatever else. Once again I've been reminded how important dance and music is to me just for expression and letting myself go. It's not very often that I let myself do that, you know. I let myself be taken by the emotions because a song will only manipulate them for 5 minutes max. The people we surround ourselves with will manipulate, knowingly or unknowingly, our emotions for our entire lives. It's a frightening prospect. So I put up a fight. I try not to let myself be taken by people, but sometimes they get through anyway. 

I've been feeling those feelings lately where I don't know what I'm feeling.

I'm finally starting to understand why it's so difficult for those people who have trouble letting people in to do so. I never have trouble telling people things about my past and about myself anymore, but that's because someone knowing those things doesn't seem to affect how they affect my emotions. But there's a deeper level of attachment and vulnerability that scares me. 

I snapped at my dad today. Sorry daddy. 

My sister told me I've seemed lost for the past couple nights. She's becoming rather observant. I feel so overdramatic at times like that especially because lost is exactly the word I'd use to describe how I feel. 

I think it's just this time of night. I've learned a lot of things at the clinic that I definitely want to share later, but for now, I'm going to bed.