Fearless

Things are getting busy again. Spring break is like, less than two weeks away. I'm pretty happy. I'm super happy. The only thing that makes me not happy is my prospective orgo grade, but that doesn't really matter in the long run, right? Let me tell you first what I did this weekend. A couple of friends and I went to University of Georgia to perform in the UGA India Night show. Indeed, I speak of Duke DHOOOM. It was a wonderful experience, especially for my first time going on one of these, drive a bunch and get to some place and stay at some random Days Inn and perform and have fun and come back, kind of things. It was awesome. Bonding time with the team, getting to know things about people that I would've never guessed, understanding the dynamics of the group and feeling like I'd accomplished something that wasn't academic. I don't think I've had that kind of feeling in a while. Honestly, I haven't even had the academic feeling in a while. But t...

Today in the Chronicle, Duke's daily newspaper, I read a column by Sony Rao called "Why we should date." She's a senior at Duke and pretty much asserts that you should get practice dating because your first few might be icky, but getting through those will get you to the good one(s). She talks about how Duke's hook up culture sucks (it does) and how starting dating as a senior isn't a terrible thing because 1) you never know who you might hit it off with and 2) it's good practice for the future if it doesn't work out. One of the lines directly from her that made me laugh out loud literally was "And I'm not quite sure yet, but it's probably a bad idea to learn the basics of dating when you're 28 and your mother gives you a three-month ultimatum before she looks for your future husband in India." Before coming to Duke, there were two conflicting ideas that I had in my mind. One was that I really didn't want to be single anym...

"You know what your problem is, Q?  You keep expecting people not to be themselves." Paper Towns, John Green Sometimes this is just the excuse for, I just don't want to change. It's a cop out. I'm being myself. Stop trying to change me. There's no way at all for me to solve my problems so stop trying. " I just want to have intellectual conversation with you. Because I care about you and I want to know what you think about certain things. You fascinate me, but I feel like it's such a battle just to get to know you and break through this fortress you've built around your innermost thoughts and feelings. I want to talk to you about literature and philosophy and the world and people and the future and the past and how scary and wonderful it all is. But maybe you're just not interested. And maybe I'll just have to learn to settle." some anon person on Duke Confess Don't I know it. I feels so much. Once about a year ago I did bre...

Here's something that I think I learned about myself today. When I was younger, I never took risks. Younger as in like, high school. I always made decisions that involved one right choice that made everyone happy and a wrong choice that made no one happy. If that wasn't true about something, I wouldn't get into the situation that made me choose. And now, now that we're older, now that we have more opinions, now that we understand more, I'm starting to take more risks. Decisions aren't black and white anymore. I don't know whether something will be good or bad for me and most certainly everyone doesn't feel the same way about decisions that we make anymore. I know, I know, they say, who cares what other people think? You should do what's right for you. Yeah. Okay. But what if I don't know what's right for me? What if my logic fails to give me an answer? What do I do then? Well, before the answer was to just stay away from anything that could ...

I need the world to tell me that it's okay. That my life won't be put to waste. You know how I've been saying it's nice not having distractions from school work? Well, sometimes, it'd be nice to have something else to think about, too. Sometimes I just don't know where to go. i feel like when something bad happens like this all that happiness that i've had for these past few weeks will just drown in it and i'll relapse into being sad about being alone and about being not as good as everyone here ): you are AWESOME you are never alone because you always have your friends with you and you are one of the smartestest people i know you are also kinda very beautiful BUT THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT Fuck everything. Hard work brings success. Bullshit. Nope, I'm fine, don't worry about me. I just overreact sometimes I guess. But like not even though. I ordered Indian food and it makes me miss home. I wish I was just still at...

We eat emotionally because we feel that it will make us feel better. We eat food that's not even good for our bodies. Why then? For those few moments of satisfaction as the flavor hits our taste buds. Taste. That's the only reason. After that it's all downhill anyway. My writing class makes me question how strong-willed I actually am. Is it possible for someone to be perfect for you but you not to necessarily to be perfect for them? Losing your life isn't synonymous to death. Sometimes when you find out about something that bothers you, you just need to make up your mind not to give a shit about it. I think it'd be interesting to know why the people who don't like me don't like me. I could explain where all of these thoughts I have come from, but that'd be long. I went to Laasya 2013 yesterday, Duke's first intercollegiate dance competition and it was sooo aweesomeee omg. I was totes jealous of how talented they are, but I also can...

One of the things that would hurt me the most is being replaced. I'm not so bad at being alone anymore. Finding a way to make problems in my life seem trivial is a good feeling. Where is there a rule written that things need to become awkward after a relationship ends? I want to see the rule book. Sometimes I'm afraid to say things to people because I'm afraid of how they'll handle the truth. Sometimes I'm afraid to say things to people because I'm afraid they'll misunderstand. I'm afraid of what they'll think of me. I wish you found me interesting the way I find you interesting. I'm patient a lot of the time. But sometimes I'm not. And when I'm not patient, my impatience turns into spite, and eventually that's all you'll get. Spite. Sometimes it's definitely not worth it, but I do it anyway. When my emotions siege my logic, I've lost control of myself to myself. If you don't need me, and I still need ...

I realized that I pick at the skin around my fingernails so much when there are things on my mind. I need to find something else for my hands to do. What is this thing that makes us want to get close to certain people and not others? People who might not be like us at all; maybe that's what it is - people who intrigue us. We want to learn more about people who are different from us, maybe people who are mysterious, who are closed. We try to open them up. That's what worries me about being so open sometimes; there will be nothing left to know for anyone to be interested in me at all. Often the trouble is that we want what we can't have. If we do have it, then other complications arise. We might not want it any more because we begin to take advantage of it. We might begin to build up a fear of losing it.  I just had a conversation with my roommate about this. There are two types of people in the world, in so many different senses, but here is one of them. There are the p...