Fearless

Here are some things that I'd like my new college friends to know about me. I'd like to understand you if you'll let me in. I've forgotten everything I learned in AP Bio, but if it's important and it means something to you, I will never forget it. I am an introvert, if you haven't noticed already. Don't push me. Listen to me.  I'm an idealist. Sometimes I live in a fantasy world with people and successes that can't really exist. When I see people like that in real life, I can't stop smiling about it. But whenever it feels like things are going right, something comes around to make it all wrong. Please be there for me when that happens. I'll be there for you when it happens.  Yeah, I'm sappy and corny and cheesy sometimes. Can't help it. Embrace it. This is turning into just a list of personality traits. Sometimes I won't say anything. It doesn't mean I'm not interested, it means I'm observing rather tha...

It's weird, I felt like I've posted a lot more than 8 posts this month. Guess not. Huh. So I'm going to attempt to write a post in 15 minutes because I'm planning to go play tennis with a friend. First things first, let me introduce you to my babies. No, not my actual babies. My seedlings. My sunflowers. Yeah, this is kind of a weird angle, but they're growing!! Better pictures will come when they're bigger. They were a graduation present from one of my friends and I decided to finally grow them! My room gets close to no sunlight since the windows are covered by trees, but I'm keeping them in my friend's room across the hall where there's tons of light. They grew a lot more quickly than I thought they would and I hope they'll be beeautiful!  8 minutes. It's weird how everyone just happens to be super busy the week that I'm totally chillaxed. Not fair. Last week when they were watching movies, I was pounding my head ...

So so much happiness. I posted this to Facebook earlier: how i felt before the orgo test:  (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ FML. how i feel after the orgo test:  (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ HELL YEAH. It really wasn't even that bad. Or so I think. Now I'm just really paranoid because I thought it was not bad enough and I made a ton of mistakes. But you know, I'm really not even thinking about it because it's OVER. This week is going to be so frigging chill. You know, except that I get my neuro test result on Thursday and that may or may not make the weekend awful. But the next two days anyway should be nice. I LOVE LIFE AGAIN. I just downloaded Spotify a couple days ago after my amazing Romanian friend showed it to me and it's actually pretty convenient, much more convenient than Pandora. I found this song by Owl City called Embers that came out on their album, The Midsummer Station. The whole album is awesome, but that song specifically, the first time I listened to it, I fell in love ...

You know how sometimes you sleep when things are all wrong and you wake up and everything is better again? The worst feeling is when everything is exactly the same. I don't like being alone for too long anymore. I start thinking about things that really shouldn't be taking up my time and stressing about things that really aren't worth stressing about. You remember that little speech I gave about taking a step back when you're stressed and seeing what's really important? Yeah, it's really hard for me to follow sometimes. I almost passed out in Organic Chem today. I am so stressed out for the test we have this coming Monday because I literally don't know anything. I am currently crying on the inside. I need comfort. I need my best friend. ): But then again the reason I am where I am today is because I stay strong and fight through obstacles like this instead of running away from them. That's something that I need to keep telling myself. But you know, ...

I know I just posted yesterday, but I couldn't help myself. Too many thoughts. My Neuro test was difficult. Even if I had studied more, it wouldn't have helped. It was much different than any of the tests I've ever taken. In a good way. A college way. I can just hope I get like, at least a B. I was sitting in my Neuro101 Discussion class earlier today. It was so boring. But an article that we're supposed to have read (I say supposed to for a reason) made me think of something. If I had the opportunity, would I want to remove any of my memories? This is actually a really hard question for me. If you've ever seen the Shell video by WongFu on Youtube, I think it'd be totally cool to have memories of things that never happened to me. But as for removing my old memories, even the really painful and difficult ones, I don't know that I'd want them gone. Every memory and experience I've had I've learned something from and I don't think I...

I am so stressed out. Well, not as much anymore, but I was 9-3 hours ago. I have a Neuro test tomorrow and an organic chem test next monday. I overslept orgo today, or I guess more appropriately, yesterday. It had gotten so bad that my head was spinning when I looked at my screen and my book and I couldn't sit without getting super antsy. I don't actually know why, I've never gotten stressed out in that way before. Probably the college experience? But really, what I've learned to do through high school experience to retract the high cortisol levels is to take a step back from the work and just think about what is causing the stress that you have. If it's not that important, why are you spending your precious health on it? I mean, if you'd just dropped your $1500 laptop into a pool of rainwater only two weeks after your dad bought it for you, by all means, get stressed out. But tests and schoolwork are nothing to be stressed about. Not yet anyways, maybe whe...

I hate life. But only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays when I have to get up for an 8:45 class. The rest of the time it's awesome.  Strangely enough, I've had close to 5 conversations with 5 different people about religion this week. I've never talked about it so much before. Religion totally freaks me out; the fact that everyone can't agree on one thing that isn't even a tangible or visible and there's no way for everyone to be happy is so frustrating. The gist of my conversations were that Christians try to "convert" people because they just don't want them to go to hell. If you don't believe in god, you go to hell. I didn't capitalize for a reason. Christians do care about others, they're not just trying to force their religion on you. However, it's impossible to force someone to believe in something like a religion. And so either the Christian suffers because they feel guilt for allowing their friends suffer or the person ...

Okay, a couple of things. I know it's probably not that exciting to anyone but me, but I'm at a thousand pageviews! I'm so glad anyone who has read my blog and enjoyed it keeps coming back! I've been having a lot of fun writing it and sharing my experiences. Please leave me comments to tell me what you think! I know some people have already, but I'd really like input on what you've enjoyed or what you'd like to see from me! Thanks for the support! I have the song Good Time stuck in my head. Arrrgh. It's not as bad as it could be though. I didn't make the dance team I tried out for, Dhoom. It was a lot a lot of fun trying out and hopefully I can keep dancing elsewhere, but I'm definitely trying out again next semester! I'd forgotten how much I love dance until the tryout. The feeling of revival is the best ever. I lost my camera. Someone help. ): I actually just had my first day on the job as a research assistant yesterday! It was a...

I need more sleep. I'm sitting in the Trinity Cafe on East Campus dripping wet because I had to "check my mailbox" and so decided to come with a friend who had class soon. I have to be careful how I say this now, because my audience has seemed to have grown to quite a few people who now live in the same dorm as me and can make fun of me as they please. So yes, I did in fact check my mail because my sister said that she mailed me a letter last week, but it also was an itty bitty excuse to see my friend. Even though he lives downstairs. Did I know it was raining? Nope. Was it worth getting soaked? I don't know, I'm still trying to decide that... In case anyone was wondering, I unfortunately didn't make club tennis travel team, only practice team, but it's totally cool because all I really needed was a reason to go play. I love tennis. I was looking through the texts from all my new friends in the past couple weeks and it's so funny to see how much...

You might see this post as another insight into college life. I call it procrastinating. My first week of classes at Duke is now complete, and what a week it was. There's already so much reading and studying to do, it seems like that's all I've been doing lately. Or rather, trying  to do lately. Sometimes I get distracted. A lot. By certain people. A little spiel about my classes. My two seminars are pretty cool, called Culture and Mind and Mind and Language. They're for a program called FOCUS, which allows you to have a group of classes with interdisciplinary topics. The conversations are intriguing and it's a lot more personal than a lecture class. For the latter, I have to do a 25 page paper due at the end of the semester. The longest paper I think I've written is maybe 9 pages, so this will definitely be... new. My other two classes are Organic Chem and Intro to Neuroscience. Orgo is already starting to get bad... why the hell was the molecular orbital ...